Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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