singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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