Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
