So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
