I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
