I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
COCAINE IS GR8
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
