Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
