Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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