i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
