I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
