I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
