her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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