There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
