Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
