Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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