Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
