there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
