Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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