i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
