I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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