so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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