I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My balls are so social today.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
