we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
