ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
