Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
