ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
