Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
