When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
