I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
my vag is so smooth its legendary
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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