You can't special order awesome
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
