Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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