Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
