Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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