Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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