If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
