you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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