Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
