yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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