Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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