Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
