oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
