I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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