This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
