Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
