So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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