Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
