You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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