before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
