Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
