Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
