somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
